girl on a journey.

“Summer, after all, is a time when wonderful things can happen to quiet people. For those few months, you’re not required to be who everyone thinks you are, and that cut-grass smell in the air and the chance to dive into the deep end of a pool give you a courage you don’t have the rest of the year. You can be grateful and easy, with no eyes on you, and no past. Summer just opens the door and lets you out”

-Deb Caletti, Honey, Baby, Sweetheart

I’ve spent a large part of my college life trying to understand what freedom feels and tastes like. Last summer my boss asked me what self love meant to me and I had no answer to give him mostly because I didn’t have an answer that I thought made me sound like an intellectual. I also had no answer to give him because for all my talk on self love I had never really given myself space to actually identify what it looks like to me.

College has been more of a rollercoaster than I initially expected when I strapped in three years ago. I find that with each semester I feel like I lose a little bit more of myself and as someone who likes to be in control of their own journey this has also brought a bit of anxiety into my life. Since I was a kid I always had a plan or some sort of expectation of myself for each stage of my life and in this current phase of my life I think I’m falling a bit short.

I’ve had a personally rough couple of years and I’ve never looked forward to summer as much as I did this past academic year. The first day of summer vacation was like the first breath of fresh air after being submerged under water for a bit. I’m excited for the sun in Houston and the pool I can see from my window which I plan to make my second home. I’m pretty excited this summer to start to define what self love is and hopefully start practicing self care also.

I love the summer so much because I can be whoever I want to be. A few days ago, I met a guy at the gym and I made up a totally imaginary life story and he believed it and I loved the idea of being someone else. Even though a few weeks ago it didn’t look like it, I believe this will be the best few months of my life. I will work on my plans for after I graduate in a year, work on my French, get better at coding in Python and write more, hopefully. Above all, I hope to start defining what happiness and love of self looks like to me while living my best life in the sun.

I hope by the end of the summer I'll be better able to tell you who I am or at least what freedom feels like. Whatever it means to you, make self love a priority in these sunny days. Let the sun heal you.

love x light

girl.

P.S let me know what self love or freedom is to you. I want to know.